Elderly parents

Suddenly needing to look after elderly parents in one way or another is something that comes to many of us.  Mum’s fortnight in hospital, during which we were caring daily for my Dad, got me thinking about how my ancestors cared for elderly relatives.

When you look back through census returns it is fairly common to find a widowed parent now being cared for by a son or daughter and family.

Elizabeth George’s husband David died in 1851, aged 70, but she would outlive him by another fifteen years.  At the time of the 1861 census she is to be found living with her youngest surviving daughter Frances and her family at East Bilney, Norfolk, and the census notes that she is ‘blind’.  Despite her 12 children, she was nearly 85 when she died in 1866.

Of the nine children of Thomas and Caroline Mitchell in Sussex, three died young, three emigrated, and two others left the immediate area.  Only one, my great grandfather, remained in the same village, where his daughters helped to care for them in their old age.

Meanwhile in East Finchley, Jonathan Wakefield, seventh child of William and Susan and born in 1835, was widowed in 1893.  Sometime between then and the 1901 census he went to live with his youngest son Henry until the death of Henry’s wife in 1913.  He then lived out the last few years of his life with his son Jonathan, dying of ‘senile degeneration and exhaustion’ in 1917 aged 82.  His obituary in the ‘Finchley Press, Muswell Hill Mercury and Highgate Post’ says that he had been in declining health for a long time, but that for 30 years he had been caretaker of the Wesleyan Church in King Street “where he discharged his duties with fidelity and in the most cheerful spirit”.

Newspaper reports can be great, can’t they?  But more disturbing was the report in the Oxford Chronicle and Reading Gazette of Saturday 6th February 1847, where twin brothers Richard and Robert Neighbour where being called to account by the Overseers of Lewknor for refusing to support their father Thomas “being an inmate of Thame Union workhouse”.   In the days before any Social Services financial assessment, the overseeers “considered they were in circumstances to maintain their parent, being very industrious men”.  But then, in a twist to the tale, the two brothers basically declared that they thought their 64 year old father should get off his backside and do an honest day’s work and that he had apparently left a good place of employment to go to the workhouse!  There was something odd going on in that family:  Thomas Neighbour’s wife Ann appears in the 1841 census with their daughter Elizabeth in the same village.  Of course, she may just have been there overnight, but I wonder whether there was more to it.  Three years after the workhouse incident Thomas was “found drowned in the mill pond”, according to the burial register.  Did the couple separate?  Did Thomas have a drink problem?  Was he suffering from depression and therefore unable to work?  We shall never know.  Unfortunately I have found no newspaper report to shed light on his death, but the Overseers’ conclusion in 1847 was to conclude that they had “no power to compel children to support their parents when they were able to earn their own living” and Richard and Robert were apparently not minded to support their father.

In our society it’s probably more unusual now for elderly parents to be taken into the homes of their children to be cared for and so the present-day Overseers have to make their financial assessment as to who pays for the care.  There’s rarely an easy solution.

Overseers of Lewknor versus Richard and Robert Neighbour 1847
Overseers of Lewknor versus Richard and Robert Neighbour 1847 






Mother to daughter

Well I was going to write a nice little piece aptly timed for Mothering Sunday last weekend, but then events took an interesting turn and I was unable to schedule a blog post for the first time in six months; so my apologies for that!

I had looked forward to a Mothering Sunday spent with my mother and with one of my daughters.  In the event I did see both of them, but we were visiting my Mum in hospital following a fall, fracture, and emergency partial hip replacement.  Not quite how I had imagined the day.

I had mentioned to the Registrar that both Mum’s parents had lived well into their nineties.  Granny was nearly 96 when she died, having lived through two world wars.

A couple of years ago I had an attempt at compiling a matrilineal tree – ie tracing back through daughter to mother.  It’s an interesting exercise, not without its challenges, but fascinating to do.

The earliest female ancestor I could find in this line was Sarah Stridwick, whose daughter Mary Cooper was born around 1688 in Warnham, Sussex, meaning that Sarah may have been born around 1668.  Mary Cooper’s daughter was Mary Knight, also born in Warnham, as was her daughter Sarah Charman, born in 1762.  Sarah’s daughter Harriet Capon was not born until 1800, this time in Capel, Surrey, just across the border.  I recently discovered, in the Haywards Heath Asylum Admission records at The Keep, that Harriet spent the last four months of her life in the Asylum, being admitted due to “senile insanity”.

Sayers, Ifield
Eliza Sayers, born 1825 Ifield, Sussex

Harriet’s  daughter Eliza Sayers was born in 1825 in Ifield, Sussex, again just back across the Surrey/Sussex border, and her daughter Mary Philpott was born in 1853 a little further south in Shipley, West Sussex.  My grandmother, Emily Mitchell, was born 35 years later, also in Shipley, in 1888.

Philpott, Shipley
Mary Philpott, born 1853 Shipley, Sussex

Of these seven women, two were over 80 at death and two more over 90 years of age.

I am happy to say that Mum is making good progress.  I hope the new hip keeps her going for at least as long as her female ancestors!